My hosta (yes, we MA’d women garden) plants are absolutely gorgeous. The particular ones that I have planted in my backyard are called “Guacamole”. I hate guacamole, but these plants are a beautiful combination of greens that actually look like guacamole; since I don’t have to eat them I love them.
So do the deer. They love my hostas not for their “Guacamole” appearance, but for their taste. Now, I don’t know if they taste like guacamole, but maybe to a deer they are the epitome of guacamole goodness. Maybe if I were a deer I would understand. What I understand is that the deer have given every hosta in my backyard a crewcut. They are not precision straight crewcuts. They are punk rock cuts that are jagged with random stems jutting up here and there. The carnage is relentless and cruel. The deer go away just long enough to allow the hostas to re-grow, and then they return to perform their Sweeney Todd acts on my poor, helpless plants.
These acts are criminal. Punishment is needed, and as a result I have purchased a gun. It is certainly not a high powered handgun. It is a pellet gun with CO2 cartridges. I intend to defend my yard, and pepper some deer butt in the process. I have tried other methods before the gun alternative. I sprayed a concoction of rotten eggs and cayenne pepper on every plant, and it works until it rains. I managed to convince my husband that he could make the perfect deer deterrent by juryrigging a smoke alarm together with a motion detector light. The result was that the deer could see the hostas better in the dark, and it aided their gastric repast.
My frustration has culminated in a pellet gun purchase that I will not apologize for. My daughter is concerned (and I think a little bit horrified) that I have bought this gun and that I intend to use it. I have no doubt that when the time comes, I will probably miss the huge animal, but the satisfaction of firing off a round or two and scaring it will be worth every penny. Look out, Bambi.
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